


Flickering Flames

by forgottenjeevas



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, Trans Inquisitor, prepare for the feels, there is a lot of shit going on here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2018-11-13 04:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11177475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgottenjeevas/pseuds/forgottenjeevas
Summary: The Inquisition has people that have seen terrible things. It's inevitable in wars like these, with demons falling from the Breach and everything going to shit. But Cole has his inner demons he fights everyday. Some days are worse than others.I was challenged to write something and told to go crazy. So have my favourite characters and an overdose of feels. You have been warned, this will end up having really depressing things happen.





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as I felt the darkness, I knew I had to get away from the Inquisitor. _Not now, you won't take me..._ But the strength of this wave was worse than the others. I had been picking up small things from Cullen, and as I lied for the first time, my heart broke. The look on his face, the worry in his eyes. "I will be back in a week, Cole. You'll be okay?"

 

I gave my normal smile, barely lifting my head. It wasn't unusual, so he shouldn't be worried. I always wanted to help others, even if it meant leaving at the most inopportune time. It had happened before, but the Inquisitor understands. He never tried to change me, make me something I wasn't.

 

But I'm not sure what I am anymore. I feel the familiar darkness welling up as I trudge to the battlements, gnawing at my mind like the curse it was. I kept a straight face, not making eye contact with anyone as I passed, and they didn't give me a second glance. That was normal. The pain was bad, but not enough to make me lose what little control I had. Just a dull ache now, I sat on the ledge of the battlements, tapping the heels of my feet to the rhythm of the throbbing in my mind. Trying to focus was meaningless, so I closed my eyes, turning my focus to the pain. Now that I was away from everyone, the pain lessened, and I sighed quietly. I hadn't had a problem with the darkness, not since I killed the Lord Seeker Lambert. Cold, corrupt, not caring about people, he had deserved it. But afterwards, I was myself. Now, the darkness was back, and I had to figure out why. Something was wrong with me, and I had to stay away from the Inquisitor until I got it under control... or got rid of it. It wasn't like I didn't know what it was, I did. But I didn't want it, I wouldn't hurt innocent people...

 

Cullen.

 

I made him promise to kill me if I became a demon again. He would take care of me. If this got any worse, if I got out of control, I would go to Cullen.

 

I regretted that decision a couple of days later. My head exploded with pain, and I had to get away from everyone in the tavern. I couldn't let them see me like this. They would ask questions, and questions hurt people when they really don't need to know the answers. Reaching the bottom level of the tavern, I crashed into Krem as he stood to get another bottle of wine. Too much, too many people... Krem tilted his head in confusion, seeing my face. I tried to hide it with my hat, lowering my gaze to the floor, but he grabbed my arm gently. Rough, but gentle enough not to startle me. "You alright, Cole? What's going on?"

 

I couldn't answer straight. The pain turning to tingling in my arm, I couldn't concentrate. Focus was out of the question. My eyes darted around, seeing faces but not able to recall names. What was I doing... When Krem's hands connected with my face, I found myself crying, the soldier cradling me on the floor. All eyes were on me, and I didn't have to read their thoughts to know how they felt. Evil, monster, crazy, freak, strange boy. Krem looked to his right, nodding to... someone. "I've got him, Chief."

 

I had no choice but to let Krem lead me outside, and he immediately sat me down next to a small tree with green leaves that moved with the wind. "Take it easy, Cole. Can you hear me?" I moved my head slightly, just enough to let him know that I could. "What's going on?"

 

Images, memories? flashed through my mind, and I brought my hands to the sides of my head, gripping my hair tightly. My hat didn't matter, lost somewhere in the tavern.

 

_A man and a woman... they watched me, and I held a dagger in my hand, ready to attack. That wasn't right, I don't want to hurt them... Protect them, no matter the cost. My breath ragged, face bloody and lungs filled with smoke. The man calls my name, and I turn to see a monster too close for comfort. The man stands behind the woman, worry on his face, for me, he is worried for me... The woman watches as he hugs me, lets me cry into his robes... I call out for him, afraid he would get hurt._

 

"Rhys!" My voice startles me, and suddenly the memories are gone, replaced by a man staring at me in concern mixed with fear. Who was he?

 

"Take it easy, Cole." The man's voice is calm, gentle. He wants me to trust him. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is."

 

Something about his gentle tone, his comforting face, his kind gestures. It makes me want to be able to trust him. He's dressed like a templar, though the design on the chestplate was different. It made me nervous around him. I met his gaze, wary and cautious. "What do you want with me?" I didn't care about anything else. "What have you done with Rhys?"

 

The man shook his head, watching me. Almost like he didn't know what to say. "I don't know anyone named Rhys. And I'm trying to help you, remember? You collapsed in the tavern?" Dirty metal, obviously used frequently, the look in his eyes like he'd seen a lot. He knew how to fight, but so did I. But wait, where was my dagger? Never mind, I could take him out without it. I shifted my weight, crouching low, my eyes narrowed. The man frowned, hand reaching for his sword on instinct, and that was all I needed. I leaped, my weight taking the man by surprise, and we both fell to the ground. His armor was heavy, and that gave me the time I needed. With him down, I was free to jump up and run... But I didn't know this place. This wasn't the tower, it was bright and sunny... l had to find Rhys. That was the only thing I cared about. The sooner I saved him, the sooner we could get back to the tower. Evangeline had said they could make me Tranquil, and I had accepted that fate. I wanted to _forget_... but not until I found Rhys and Evangeline.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

My head ached, catching a forceful blow from the shield of a bandit. Damn it, I just wanted to get back to Skyhold. I could tell something was troubling Cole, and I wanted to help him whether he liked it or not. But the blows kept coming, and I heard Dorian shouting behind me. The bandits were getting closer to him, and he wasn't a close range fighter. I brought my foot up, kicking the bandit backwards, finishing it with my greatsword and rushing to help the mage.

 

"I'm too pretty to die!" His voice was serious, but it made me laugh all the same. "You'll be fine, pretty boy! Let's finish these guys off and head back!" He moved to playfully glare, and I grinned. Another one hit the ground, and there were five left. With Cassandra and Sera occupied with two, Dorian and I nodded to each other, targeting the closest one and attacking. I swung my greatsword, and he shocked it with his magic, and the other two started on the remaining bandit.

 

Sighing, I slipped my greatsword behind my back, watching Cassandra, Dorian, and Sera do the same with their weapons of choice. "Think we should set up camp and rest?"

 

Sera made a disgusted noise, snatching an arrow out of one's head. That was a yes, I think. Cassandra nodded, and Dorian immediately went to clean the blood off of his armor. I smirked, but could admit it was a good idea. I followed him to the lake nearby, and kept a careful eye out for bears. They were common in this area of the Hinterlands, I was told. "Have any tips? I'd like this outfit to look its best for our next fight."

 

Dorian scoffed, busy scrubbing his boot. "So far, everything I try just stains." I took off my coat, tossing it to the ground with a thud. My weapon followed, and I sat beside the water, splashing my face. Dorian gave up scrubbing, instead using the reflection of the water to fix his hair and mustache. I chuckled, and he smirked in response. It was an ongoing joke between us, that he couldn't go a day without fixing his hair or mustache when it got messed up. Turns out he couldn't, and I always reminded him when I caught him.

 

"We should head back to Skyhold in a few hours, after everyone rests their feet. We'll send the necessary resources with Scout Harding when she makes her next run." I was talking out loud, but Dorian seemed to agree.

 

"As long as I don't have to. Bears aren't my favourite, I'll have you know." I knew, as did everyone who ever fought beside him when a bear came into sight. He wouldn't attack until it made the first move, then he would get as far away from it as he could and fight from there. It was a good strategy, and Sera had the same approach, leaving me and Cassandra to hit it with everything we had.

 

I talked with Dorian for a while, then the sun started to set. I frowned, and Dorian laughed. "I did that on purpose, yes. I didn't know you enjoyed raving about bears that much. And it was worth it to see your face right now." He kept laughing, and I hit his shoulder roughly, standing up to grab my coat and greatsword. He purposely kept me talking so we would have to wait until morning to leave. I rolled my eyes at him, heading back to camp. He would pay for that. I didn't know how, but he would. Maybe Sera would help...


	2. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a dangerous Cole running around Skyhold, the Inquisitor returns from the Hinterlands in utter shock. The companions are also shocked, some of them saying "I told you Cole is dangerous", and they have no idea what happened, or how to fix it.

The ground is uncomfortable as I feel it with my hands. Sharp and rough. Rocks. It takes more strength than normal to open my eyes. When everything stops being blurry, I look around at my surroundings. The ceiling is cracked in several places, the wall to my left looking rather unstable with the corner completely gone. To my right, my eyes found the old and rusty metal, and I immediately was on my feet. 

A cell. I was locked in a cell. Mind racing, heart throbbing, hands trembling, I reached out and touched the bars briefly. It was real, this is real, I'm trapped again. 

I was unsteady, legs buckling underneath me. As I hit the ground, my vision blurred. I was trapped, just waiting for the templars to do whatever they wanted with me. There was nothing I could do, and I felt like crying. Nothing felt impossible with Rhys by my side... I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought. Rhys. I had to find Rhys. Where was he? Had the templars already killed him, or worse. Had they made him Tranquil... No. I couldn't think like that. Rhys was okay, I will find him. I will find him, and I will protect him. 

But I had to get out of the cell first, and that wasn't as easy as it seemed to be. The bars were rusty and aged, but that didn't mean they weren't solid. I stood, leaning on the wall for support, and inspected the hole in the corner. I could see the sky, birds flying, and the mountains beyond. I could reach my arm through, but since there was nothing to support myself, I couldn't climb out. The rest of the walls were fairly intact, and that left no way to escape. I was shaking at the thought, being trapped for eternity in this cell, rotting away, never being found. 

I wanted to be found... I wanted Rhys to be standing on the other side of the bars, ready to help me like he always did. But that moment never came, only a dream that would never come true. I curled up on the ground, not caring about my aching stomach or my heart racing. I suddenly didn't have the strength to move, not without Rhys by my side. Sleep came and went, but I was restless, tossing and turning, eventually giving up and leaning against the wall and staring at the scattered rocks on the ground. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So much for that nap and a drinks I was going to have. As I approached the gate of Skyhold, Krem was waiting for me. This was unusual, he always left reports with Cullen or Bull. He was twitchy, nervous about something, and I didn't know what to think. What terrible thing needed my attention now, I had no idea. The castle seemed untouched, so it wasn't Corypheus for once. Everyone else was in their normal places, too. 

I got about ten feet away from Krem when he noticed me. He snapped to attention, arm across his chest, and I nodded. I'd told him that wasn't necessary, but he was all manners, unlike most men nowadays. "What's wrong, Krem?"

The lieutenant shifted his weight between his feet, obviously shaken. "Your worship, it's Cole. Something happened, he's not himself." 

"Not himself?" Under normal circumstances, I would have had a sarcastic response, but this was Cole. Nothing ever happened with Cole, and he was always acting oddly, but no one ever complained... too much about it. 

"I caught him racing down the stairs, in the tavern, Your worship." Krem explained. "He was crying, and I caught him when he fell. Everyone was staring, and I felt bad, so I brought him outside. He spaced out for a second, staring through me. You know how he gets when he's reading someone's mind. But then he didn't seem like he normally does. He wanted to know where Rhys was, what happened to him."

I frowned at that. Rhys? Cole had mentioned him when we got to Skyhold, that he was his friend. But he had asked me not to look for him, even when I wanted to. "Where is he now?" 

Krem seemed to tense, but his face looked like he was guilty about something. "He went crazy, your worship... He ran off, attacking me and the chief when we tried to stop him. We had to lock him in the dungeon because everyone was afraid of him."

I blinked, the words not processing. Attacking his friends? That really wasn't like him. None of this made sense, but I wasn't going to let anyone else get hurt. I had to fix this, since I wanted Cole to help me in Crestwood later. "Alright, I'll take care of it. Can you get Dorian to meet me in the tavern?"

Krem nodded, and started walking in the direction of the main hall. I took a breath, then opened the door to the tavern. I had to figure out if something in Cole's usual spot had triggered this outburst. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyes dart up at the sound of footsteps. The man in the armour, two others who looked untrustworthy, and the bigger man with the horns all walked in, watching me. I curled into a tighter ball, my knees touching my chin so hard it hurt. A new person motioned for the others to stay back, and they stepped forward, closer and closer to the bars. I quickly scooted backwards, my back banging on the stone, but it didn't matter. I wasn't going to let myself get hurt. I wouldn't let Rhys down. 

The man watched me carefully, kneeling down next to the bars slowly, as if he didn't want to scare me. I didn't trust him, not when three others were guarding his back. 

"Cole..." The man muttered, gently, softly, like he knew I was scared out of my mind. "It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you."

I flinched, taking a quick breath as he touched the bars. "What have you done with Rhys?" I tried to sound more intimidating than I felt, my voice shaking. 

The man gave me a look of sympathy, tilting his head in confusion. Another man, this one sparkling in the sunlight, spoke. "Inquisitor, I wouldn't get too close. That is, unless you want to get killed." 

The man at the bars glared at the other, sighing quietly before turning back to me. "I'm trying to help you, but I don't know how, Cole... I can look for Rhys, and find out where he is..." 

I recoiled. He didn't know where Rhys was, he didn't want to help. I narrowed my eyes, wishing I had my dagger in my hand in case I needed it. "Don't. You don't want to help me. You only want to make me think I can trust you, so you can hurt me later." 

The man with the horns spoke, voice gruff and held an edge. His arm had the scratch from my earlier attack, but I didn't feel guilty. "Look, boss, maybe you should get Solas. He's the spirit expert."

The man in the armor stood behind the man with the horns, looking more nervous than anyone. "Your worship, I don't think he's safe to be that close to."

The Inquisitor, though titles meant nothing to me, kept watching me, and I squirmed under his gaze. I didn't like being watched, I'd rather they couldn't see me, especially since I wasn't as strong as I normally was. Now, I had no choice but to stare back or hide my face like a coward. But I'm not a coward, so I kept my eyes locked on the small man at the bars. "Unless you let me go and tell me where Rhys is, I would listen to your friends."

The man frowned, then set his jaw in a way I'd only seen Rhys do. He was determined, or that's what I made of that expression. "I'm going to find Rhys for you, and we'll figure out how to fix all of this. Does that sound okay, Cole?"

I hesitated. If he really meant it, if he could let me see Rhys, then I had to agree. What other choice did I have? I had to get out of here, and I had to make sure Rhys was safe. Nothing else mattered. Then it dawned on me, the man acted like Rhys, the way he was gentle, caring, wanting me to trust him... I looked into his eyes, and I saw Rhys... 

I found myself slowly crawling closer to the metal bars, inch by inch, drawn to his gentleness. He lifted his eyes to meet mine, and in that moment I knew. Somehow, this man would help me, and everything would be alright. Somehow, I felt it, just like when I met Rhys for the first time... 

"Thank you..." My voice was quiet, but he seemed to hear me. He smiled slightly, nodded to the others, and they all turned to leave. When their footsteps couldn't be heard anymore, the man looked at me, as if waiting for me to say something. 

"Do you really not remember me?" 

I was shocked, unsure how to react to that question. Is that why I felt like I could trust him? Because I knew him? He looked kind and trusting, but I didn't remember seeing him before. Was that what he meant when he said he was going to fix everything? "I... don't understand what you're asking..." I admitted honestly, and he looked at the ground. 

"It's alright." He said, seeming to convince himself rather than me. "We'll figure this out, and we will get your memories back." He paused, then frowned slightly. "If you want to, that is..."

I looked at the ground, my hand reaching up to touch his, gently, slowly. He stiffened, jerking his head up and watching me carefully, but still not afraid. "I don't remember you, but I know you will help me... If you remember me after this, I'll be here..." 

The man nodded, and I lifted my lips in a tiny smile as he stood. He kept his hands on the bars, eventually stopping as he was fully standing, and he was silent for several minutes. I waited for him to say something, and I almost asked him what he was thinking, when he finally turned to leave, glancing back a couple of times before actually leaving. 

When the area was quiet for a while, I thought back to the mysterious man's words. 'I'm going to find Rhys for you.' Did he mean it? For the first time since I met Rhys, the voices in my head were loud. I tried to not think about them, but with only the silence as my friend until (if?) the Inquisitor came back, it was the only thing I could listen to. 'You're not real' one said, and I wanted to cry. If I wasn't real, nobody would be able to see me... So I had to be real... But the voices echoed constantly, deafening me until my hands were holding my head, my body rocking back and forth, fingers gripping so tightly I felt some hair come out. 

I was real.... I had to be. 'You will never escape from the darkness' the laughter taunted me, and I cried out. My body was betraying me, slipping and falling, just like all those times before... 

No. I will not fade. "You will not take me." I pressed my cheek against the cold stone of the crumbling wall, focusing on everything real, how I was real... 

'You're nothing', 'You don't belong with them', 'Nobody cares', and the worst of them... 'Nobody will remember you.'

"NO!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, here is the next chapter :) I tried my best to make it in character, so I hope it wasn't too bad. I have more planned for the next chapter, so get hyped!


	3. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole struggles with painful memories, and waits for anyone to come for him.
> 
> I've been looping "Still Here" by Digital Daggers, so that's my inspiration for Cole's part... This will get happier I promise haha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Asunder in this chapter, so I'm quoting the book a lot. I don't own Asunder, or the characters, obviously, but the book is awesome :)

The sound of footsteps on the stone floor, pacing, and the occasional thud of a book being thrown from the shelf is all Dorian heard as he was about to open the door to the Inquisitor's quarters. He hesitated, listening to muffled crying. That was it, he couldn't let the Inquisitor do this to himself. He opened the door, the crying not stopping, and walked up the steps. It was a sight, the man curled up on his side, face in a pillow and sobbing, and Dorian hated it. Ever since he'd returned from the cells, he hadn't been able to be around anyone. He was trying so hard to keep up the mask for the people in Skyhold, to not let them know their leader was actually an emotional mess.

 

Dorian sat down at the edge of the bed, the crying quieting, but the Inquisitor didn't take the pillow from his face. With a sigh, Dorian grabbed Mile's shoulders gently, positioning him in his lap. He didn't have to talk, but Dorian would be there. No matter if he just needed a shoulder to cry on, or if he needed someone to talk to. "Mile... It's okay, I'm here."

 

A few seconds passed before the man lifted his head, and Dorian saw how bloodshot his eyes were. "It's not okay!" His voice was cracking terribly, his mind not in the best place, and Dorian frowned. "I should have been here, to help him! You saw him, how he looked at me... He doesn't remember, and he's terrified! I just want him to know he's not alone, that I'm here for him..."

 

The man's small frame shook as he sobbed into Dorian's shoulder. Dorian ran his fingers through the Inquisitor's hair, soothing and comforting. "I know, amatus... And I know how you feel." The Inquisitor seemed to bite his tongue at that, then nodded ever so slightly as he met Dorian's eyes. "Thank you for being here, Dorian... I really appreciate it."

 

The two sat there for several hours, Dorian holding Mile in his lap as he cried, and eventually he ran out of tears.

 

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I listened to the birds chirping on the other side of the wall, and closed my eyes. My breath was ragged, my face cold from crying, and I tried to hold onto hope. The man would remember me, I would find Rhys, and everything would be okay. That hope was fading, slipping away and disappearing as if it were never there. The sun had set three times, and I knew by now that I was forgotten. How Rhys never forgot me, I didn't understand, but it was only with him... Only he kept me in his thoughts and never let me go...

 

I let my head fall on my knees, and tried to ignore the pain in my stomach. I knew it had been days since I had eaten, possibly a week, but deeper down I knew the pain was from Rhys. The mage, my friend, who wanted to help me more than I've ever helped myself. I let out a shaky breath, and opened my eyes. The sky was dark, and I could see at least three stars, shining bright and happy, though everything else was sad. The stars were my only comfort, and over the days I'd begun talking to them. They listened, and though they did not talk back, I felt a little bit better. They didn't have to tell me that it was going to be okay, and I wouldn't believe them if they did. My only tiny hope was that if I faded away, I would become a star. They were calming, bright, and were pretty to look at, just like flowers.

 

Sleep came and went, and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't stay asleep for long. This time the sky was turning a shade of pink, with a mixture of lavender on the side. I leaned against the cold metal bars and watched, the world getting brighter and filled with life as the minutes passed. For that moment, I had more hope than earlier. I felt like I hadn't been forgotten, and I was real... I imagined Rhys was by my side, on the other side of those bars, happy and excited to see me again. And I saw his face, remembering it from memory, when he first saw me. He was shocked, intrigued, curious. He asked questions that I didn't know how to answer.

 

_Rhys reached his hand out, and I stiffened as he touched my shoulder. "How can you be invisible?"_

_"I don't know." I'd replied honestly._

_"But... people_ have _seen you. Fleeting glimpses, anyhow. I've heard the stories."_

_"Sometimes. I don't know why." After a while he left, telling me that he would be back. I stared at him, silent, watching him as he walked away._

 

_Several days later he did come back, and I was startled. He could see me, remember me?_

 

_Rhys remembered, and true to his word, he came down to the Pit of the White Spire to visit me when he could. We played games with cards that Rhys had, and talked about simple things. When he asked about me, I felt the darkness creeping up, and wouldn't answer the way he wanted me to. One time we were playing, a guard caught us, but only saw Rhys. I held my breath, crouching lower in my chair until he went away. Rhys struggled to tell him a lie, about how he was practicing strategies. I almost laughed, and I probably would have if I hadn't been scared._

 

_I hadn't seen him in a while, since the guards were setting more rules for the mages. He found me as I sat on a huge and designed coffin, and I watched him. The way he looked at me, it made me strong enough to ask the question that had been burning in my mind forever. "Do you think I'm dead?"_

_"You're not dead. You're as real as I am."_

_"Maybe_ you're _not real. You could be a demon sent to torment me."_

_"Is that what I do? Torment you?"_

_"Yes. No." He reached out to touch me, but I scooted away from his touch. "Leave me alone."_

_"Is that really what you want me to do?"_

_I was quiet. "No."_

_Rhys seemed determined now. "Cole, come with me. I need to bring you back to the First Enchanter, make him see you. We can write things down, so nobody forgets. Then we can get you help. I'm sorry, but I just can't do it on my own."_

_I didn't answer, my eyes on the ground._

_"Don't you want help?"_

_"I don't want anyone to hurt me."_

_Then Rhys left, leaving me alone in the darkness._

 

_We fought once, because Rhys wanted to help me, but I didn't want to get hurt. He tried to grab my arm, and I pulled away in a panic._

_"We have to make them see you! Tell them whatever happened to you is affecting your mind, that it's not your fault. I don't know,_ something _! This is the only way you're ever going to get help, Cole!"_

_I ran to the safety of the farthest wall from Rhys. "They can't help me! They won't!"_

_But he wouldn't stop. He was trying to convince me that his plan would work, but I wasn't listening. I bolted through a door, Rhys' fingers scraping my jerkin before he tripped, giving me the chance to escape into the hallway. Stones burst free from the walls, dust and dirt clouding my vision as I ran. I knew this area well, and I raced down the stairs that didn't seem sturdy. I heard my heart racing, my breathing quicken, but I didn't hear Rhys. Good, I'd lost him. Then he appeared, chasing down the stairs after me. I ran faster, actually afraid he would attack._

_"Stop!" His voice echoed across the room, coming from everywhere, and a bolt of energy smashed into the wall to my right, small rocks scraping my cheek._

_I cried out, not in pain but fear, almost crying. Rhys was attacking me... My instincts kicked in, and I ducked into a corner, a small pile of rocks as my protection._

_"Cole, don't make me do this! You have to come with me. There's no other choice!"_

_I crouched, reaching behind me to grab my dagger where it had fallen. The jagged blade reflected off of Rhys' magic on top of his staff, and he stopped dead, fear in his face. "I don't want to do this." We locked eyes, and I gave him a look. 'Don't make me do this.'_

_Rhys snapped, surprising me. "Why not? I can see you. Won't killing me make you more real?"_

_I flinched at his words, hurt._

_"This is your last chance."_

_I watched his staff come to life, glowing white, and took my chances. I narrowed my eyes in defiance and leapt up, hoping I would reach the door. As expected, more blasts came, almost hitting me, and I held my breath so the exploding rocks and dust didn't hurt._

 

As I thought about that moment, I tried to push it away. Rhys had attacked me, though he missed each time. Part of me hoped he didn't want to hurt me, only catch me, but I had my doubts. I flicked my eyes up at the now blue sky, and imagined Rhys was on the other side of the bars, smiling at me. I cursed my mind. All I wanted was to make sure Rhys was okay, that nobody hurt him, and protect him at all costs. I never understood why, but I wanted Rhys to be happy with me. My mind was a pit of despair, and I hated being alone with it.

 

_Everyone was buzzing with gossip, and I couldn't escape from it. But it was important. Rhys was leaving. But I had to follow him, tell him that I was sorry, that I wanted to be helped... The last thing I remember is laying in Rhys' lap, lying still, hoping that sleep would come. Rhys and Evangeline talked quietly, but I couldn't remember what about._

I guess it didn't matter now, not unless I saw Rhys again. My stomach ached, and I gripped the bars tight with both hands, hoping and praying to anyone that it wouldn't end like this.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Inquisitor waited anxiously for any news from Josephine. This was the longest few days, waiting for word on Rhys. The Inquisitor hated that he hadn't gone to visit Cole again, and made a mental note to do that within the hour. But he hoped to have good news to give Cole the next time he saw him, so it was disappointing that he hadn't heard anything yet. The last time he checked, the ambassador said she hadn't gotten a letter yet, and that was several hours ago.

 

The Inquisitor tapped his fingers on his arm, crossed over his chest. This was beginning to make him nervous. What if she couldn't find Rhys? That would be hard to explain to Cole, and would not help the situation. The Inquisitor decided to talk with Josephine once more before going to see Cole again.

 

Josephine was sitting in her chair, her office looking neat and tidy like always. "Inquisitor, you're timing is impeccable. I just received your letter a little while ago."

 

The Inquisitor was at her desk in a moment, eager to see what the letter said, and Josephine understood. And even if she didn't, she wasn't the kind of person to question others. She was just too nice. As he read, Josephine went back to working on writing her own letters, a whole stack from the looks of things. After a while he read aloud, getting excited. "I understand the importance of your request, Inquisitor, and I will leave shortly."

 

Josephine smiled. "That's wonderful, Inquisitor. I will arrange to have a room ready for your guest." The Inquisitor nodded in thanks, taking the letter and reading the rest of it as he walked. This was perfect, Rhys was on his way to Skyhold, and then he could hopefully help sort all of this out. Not even Solas and his Fade expertise could explain what was happening with Cole, which made it that much more nerve wracking. With the letter in hand, it was time to talk to Cole. He had excellent news, and he wanted to talk to Cole anyway. He almost ran down the stairs in his hurry, but held back and tried not to let his excitement get out of control.

 

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	4. Possessed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys arrives with questions, and the Inquisitor doesn't have answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this was so late! Life has been a mess lately, but I will try to get a schedule going for updates :) Hope you guys enjoy!

"Cole! I contacted Rhys!" Mile raced down the stairs, down deeper into the cells of Skyhold, shouting as he went. "He's on his way!" 

 

The last couple of steps were uneven, and Mile hopped to the bottom easily, turning to the left and immediately stopping dead. He forced himself to breathe, heart racing in fear instead of the excitement that had been there moments before. "Cole!" The Inquisitor lunged forward, scraping his knees on the stone floor and grabbing onto the bars. "Cole, what happened?" 

 

On instinct, he reached for the young man, then pulled back, turning his head to the side and crying out. This couldn't be happening. How had he let this happen? What had made Cole end up like this? It was all his fault, leaving him alone for three days. Cole probably thought he forgot.... Maker, no.... "Guards! Help me!" It was all he could do to keep from crying, shaking the solid metal bars of the cell, scolding himself for his idiocy. If he hadn't of been busy crying in his room, he could have helped Cole, just like he always helped everyone. If he hadn't stayed away from Cole just because he was an emotional mess, this wouldn't have happened. If he would have came and cried with Cole.... but this wasn't the Cole he knew. This Cole didn't remember.... 

 

"Maker, don't let him die... " 

 

 

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Darkness. 

 

Everything hurt... 

 

Voices were soft, not the harsh ones that haunted me, but gentle, caring. My mind recognized the voices, and wanted to sit up, but my body was too exhausted. I found comfort in the soothing warmth in my chest, and let the darkness take me. 

 

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"You have to let him rest, Inquisitor... Whatever happened to him, he might not wake up for several days." 

 

Mile watched the frail body on the bedroll, the mage's hands using the not unfamiliar blue spell that Dorian often had to use on him, and steadied himself. Rhys on the other side of the bedroll, it was clear that the two had some sort of connection, and that was enough to give Mile some hope. If Rhys knew Cole, this Cole that Mile wasn't familiar with, then maybe there was a chance that he could understand what happened to Cole, and how to get his memories back. 

 

"Is it too much to ask that he was happy?" Rhys' voice was quiet, an undertone of hurt to it. 

 

Mile shifted slightly, frowning as he thought. He always wanted to help others, and put himself last. Did that make him happy to help people? "I think so. It's hard to tell sometimes." 

 

That made Rhys tilt his head, frowning at the Inquisitor. "If that's true, then we haven't met the same Cole." He was silent for a few minutes, gently holding Cole's bony hand, before he spoke again. "The Cole I knew was possessed. I didn't know until after he disappeared that was the case. It wasn't clear until the end, when Lambert...." He sighed. "When Lambert confronted me about it, I couldn't believe it. I'd known Cole for months, and he never showed any signs of being possessed."

 

Mile bit his lip nervously, wrapping his arms around his chest, obviously confused. "Possessed how? Solas said that Cole hadn't possessed anyone, right after we arrived in Skyhold."

 

Silence again. Maybe Rhys didn't hear him, or maybe he didn't want to reveal that piece of information. 

 

"What was he like, back in the Spire?" Mile prompted instead, wanting some answers, and wanting Cole to wake up so he would be able to find out what he could do to help him. 

 

Rhys sighed, slightly reluctant to talk about Cole, but it was necessary. "Despair demon. Thinking about it now, it should have been obvious. He almost died to protect me, followed me all the way to Adamant from the Spire. I told him to go back, but he followed me, saying he would protect me." The man lowered his head, distressed by the memories. "All he wanted was to be happy, protecting me. Maybe that was why I was the only one to see him and remember..."  

 

Mile glanced at Cole, tempted to hold his other hand, but it was badly bruised, most likely from beating on the stone walls, begging for someone to be there.... "I remember him.... But so do the others. And, if the despair demon wasn't possessing him when we got to Skyhold, why did it suddenly take over again?" A pause. "And how? Wouldn't he have to accept it's deal?"

 

Rhys didn't seem to have answers, but those were the important questions. "I don't know... He doesn't seem possessed. Did something happen to cause him to switch back?"

 

"I... I wasn't here. I don't know..." And that was the honest truth. "I should have been there."

 

The mage took a breath, then nodded. "I understand how that feels, Inquisitor. I failed him, too." 

 

Mile opened his mouth to speak, but Rhys gave a startled gasp. The two looked down at Cole, trembling, but still unconscious. It would be a good idea to feed him again, since he hadn't been remembered by the guards for three days. But with him being unconscious and mind somewhere else, it would be a struggle to get him to swallow the food. 

 

With a glance at Rhys, Mile made it his goal to stay by Cole's side, no matter what happened. Rhys stayed, too, sending out tiny wisps from the Fade to get someone's attention, and they would come to the spare, cramped room to help. Dorian was useful, since Solas hadn't returned from their quest to save his friend, and he helped as much as he could, bringing herbs, potions, food, drinks, and always a fresh blanket. All three of them weren't getting enough sleep, but it was clear that wouldn't be an option until Cole woke up. Most of the time was spent in silence, but they did play the occasional game of questions, trying to not focus on Cole, but the topic always returned. Until Cole woke up and properly healed from his injuries, there would be no rest. 


End file.
